In the ceremony itself, the roles of Best Men and Maids/Matrons of Honor are small. Best Men normally carry and present the rings, and Maids/Matrons of Honor adjust the bride's train and hold her flowers as necessary. But the real work of Best Men and Maids/Matrons of Honor comes immediately before and after the ceremony, and should be taken seriously. They are the chief attendants of the bride and groom, and should be selected carefully not only on the basis of existing friendships, but of their capacity to exercise their responsibilities reliably.

On the day of the ceremony, any logistical responsibilities not already delegated to others should fall to the chief attendants, and not to the bride and groom. Chief attendants are responsible for assembling the ushers, groomsmen, and bridesmaids, and communicating between the wedding party and the Officiant. Last minute questions from photographers, florists, caterers, and others should be handled by the chief attendants, and not by the bride and groom. Brides and grooms should not be on cell phones trying to locate guests who’ve lost their way or florists who’ve failed to deliver decorations. They don’t need to concern themselves with paying vendors, keeping track of marriage licenses, or coaching shy ring bearers. If the bride or groom is in possession of a cell phone, a pen, or a checklist on the day of the ceremony, it means that one of the chief attendants’ responsibilities is not where it belongs.

Both at the rehearsal and at the ceremony, the chief attendants are responsible for gathering the other attendants and communicating between them and the Officiant. When a groomsman wanders away shortly before the ceremony begins, it’s the Best Man’s responsibility to locate him, not the groom’s, and not the Officiant’s. When a bridesmaid’s flowers aren’t right, it’s the Maid/Matron of Honor’s job to speak to the florist, not the bride’s.

The chief attendants’ attention to these responsibilities will help ensure a relaxed and joyful ceremony.